Baby Booze

A/N: The following is not meant to be read by anyone who knows my parents!

It's all very fine to make a classy face,

And claim that you know wine,

But you're going to botch,

Tasting Scotch,

Unless you make yourself supine.

Distraction never caused no harm,

To the appreciation of the beery barm,

And many a tale,

Will go well with ale,

But Whisky, would lose it's charm!

When you're well fed,

Wash it down with mulled mead;

Or with a quart

Of the finest old port,

But take Whisky alone instead.

The old vodka and ginny,

Might make excellent Martinis,

And brandy go well with cake,

But I'll insist to a fault,

With good single malt,

You can never make a mistake!

A pirate and his rum

Are faithful old chums,

But Whisky makes a finicky choice.

Only those who have class,

And a tall soda glass,

Are privileged to hear it's voice!

Don't drink in a crowd, when you're down and depressed,

Whisky's to be had when you're free of all stress!

'Coz when things look bleak,

That you won't last the week,

The old booze'll just worsen your mess.

Mix it with soda, or put it on ice

Whisky is not your everyday vice!

Nor meant for macho swiggin'!

Sit back, if you please,

Be perfectly at ease,

Until you're ready to begin.

Croon to your liquor, as if to a lover,

Come to a deep understanding.

Then go for the dip,

And take the first sip,

Than wait!...don't be demanding!

Burning, burning, wait for the fire,

Of this celestial brew,

It'll singe your throat with an acrid warmth,

Once that first mouthful is through.

Go ahead, get drunk if you want,

I'll admit it's hard to resist.

Speaking for myself, I'm far more pleasant,

When I'm perfectly pissed!

Mind you! I'm no dipso! I'm just appreciating,

An example of manufactured art,

Besides, Scotch is best when had with discretion,

I've maintained that right from the start!!

So let's raise a toast,

And ardently propose,

This the finest of blends.

With a "Weis Heil!" then a "Hic!..."

Next morning you'll be sick,

But believe it was worth it in the end!

High in the hills,

Where the amber distills,

Closer to the heavenly guys.

If they take an afternoon off,

And nip down for a quaff,

I wouldn't be at all surprised.