Act II Scene II: Thoughts that I have been thinking aka the politics of toddler birthday parties

Enter Me, followed by a train of Everyone I know
ME: Guys, I've been thinking.......
EVERYONE ELSE: A dangerous pastime.......
ME: I know.But still. And do u know what I've found?
EVERYONE: What? Tell us, tell us!!
ME: Everybody's grown up!!!!!
EVERYONE:(collective intake of breath) Nawwwwwww!!!!!
ME: YES!! It's true. Aren't you all quite grown up?
EVERYONE: Ummm. Well.....much as we hate to admit it.......YES!!!
ME:You see?? This is what I mean. Everyone's grown up!!!
EVERYONE: Hmmm. So, what caused this enlightened discovery?
ME: Well, you see, I told you I was thinking and......
EVERYONE: And?
ME: I found out.
EVERYONE: As simple as that was it?
ME: Well, not exactly. I told you I was thinking. At the same time, I was also wondering.
EVERYONE: Why?? What could you possibly have been wondering about??
ME: Well, you see, yesterday was my friend's birthday. My all time best friend's birthday. She's in Bangalore right now, so this is the first time we didn't have a party on the 15th of Jan.
EVERYONE: Awwwww. What a pity!
ME: Yeah ! I know! I could have gotten aloo-paratha and aachar last night! Anyway, this was what got me wondering....
EVERYONE:(shaking heads mournfully and sympathetically) Tch,Tch,Tch. No aloo-paratha and aachar? What a shame! Tch, Tch, Tch.
ME: That we don't have parties like we used to.
EVERYONE: Huh? We've still got the booze!
ME: Uff! Sometimes booze isn't enough. Sometimes booze isn't what you really want.
EVERYONE:(another collective intake of breath) It isn't?
ME: No.
EVERYONE:( tries to draw in another collective intake of breath but finds has run out of breath!!) WHAT???!!!
ME: That's right. Birthday parties have degenerated. Now they're no longer birthday parties, they're excuses to have an adda. Damn!
EVERYONE: Uhhhhh.........isn't that what you really would like on your birthday?
ME: See? That's my point! You've all grown up!
EVERYONE:(thinks: "this Roman is crazy!!!")
ME: I know you probably think I'm crazy, but guys, c'mon! Can't you remember the times when birthday parties were way different from just another adda session. (Of course, at the time I'm talking about, we never even had the conception of what addas really were!!) We would go to birthday parties were we never even knew all the people. We would never get a chance to just sit down and chat, we were always kept occupied with silly games.(Sure, now even I call them silly, but back then, we thought them real cool!) We would keep running around and would often bump against the legs of some grouchy old relative of the birthday girl/boy.(No offence to grouchy old relatives!!!) The kid's parents and other assorted appointed management committee members, in the form of varied aunts and elder cousins, would , in vain try and keep us tots in control, and would invariably fail. There would be a fight and the wounded victim would wail and would have to be pacified with an early bit of cake.
Then there were the games. They were gladiatorial, to say the least!! The best man would never win and only those who had devised special strategies over years of birthday parties or could get in a special bit of cheating would win. The rest of us would grouse about the unfairness of it all, but like the seasoned gamblers we were, would queue up to try our hand at the next game! And then, just before the food was called out, there would be the piece de grace , the khoi-bag!!! Now, as far as I'm concerned, I know the khoi-bag had a conspiracy against me!! I would struggle up, right to the front, beside the birthday kid who would be dangerously wielding a long stick, preparing to burst the bag above, only, once the goodies began to flow, to be pushed to the back of the ferocious mob of tots and left with a handful of thermocol balls, the worst of the toys, and a broken heart!!!
EVERYONE: Awwwwwww!!!
ME: That's right. It was hard being a kid those days. <>But the food would make up for it!! If it was a rich kid's birthday party, there would be an ice-cream man and/or a phuchka-wallah. We would chime in on the " Happy Birthday to you" once the kid had blown out the God-knows-how-many coloured candles populating the cake and always, invariably giggle naughtily on the part:" Many boyfriends to you"!!!!Sad. Very sad. In fact, we still do! A tradition nobly upheld, although most of my friends already have boyfriends(committed ones too!!!)!!! Very, very sad.
EVERYONE: (knowing looks) (snigger snigger) (giggle giggle)
ME: At this time, we would run around, opening the prizes we had got or looking longingly and bitching about the ones we hadn't got!! Cups of Pepsi, Coke, Mirinda, etc. would be spilt. Everyone would go home with atleast two stains on their spotless party clothes, one brown(for the Pepsi) and one any other colour(whatever the cake was). No one would be able to finish what they had taken on their plates, and their would be considerable amounts wasted ( unthinkable in times like now when we have to pay for our own food!!!) It was also at this time our parents would conveniently choose to arrive, to pick us up, and despite many protestations be invited to have a bite of the feast. Schmart!! Learn for future use with your own kids!!!(wink)
Time to leave, and here comes the best part.....................the return gift!!!! Prizes or not, you returned with a bit of booty atleast !!!!And once in the car, we would fall asleep before reaching home, it had been a tiring evening of social excursion!!!
Ah! To think, what hapless barbarians we had been!! Looting and plundering with no bounds!!!
EVERYONE:(nostalgic sigh) Ah! Yes, those were the days of our lives........!!!
ME: And now?? Much to the delight of our parents, we have degenerated from our profiteering days. Gee, I don't even remember when my birthdays became what they are now!! How merciless is time!!!
EVERYONE: Hear, hear!!!
ME: This is why I say we shouldn't have grown up. Don't you agree?
EVERYONE: Methinks there is some truth in her sayings. Indeed t'is true! Are we dogs or are we Romans? We knew how to feast once.............ah yes.........what feasts..............when Caesar was around!!!
ME: Oh shut up! I'm talking about kids not Romans!! We were better feasters as well as looters and plunderers!! We used to get invited to do them!!! And we could conquer all, once, with a cutie smile.
EVERYONE: (another nostalgic sigh)
ME: Those pretty fluorescent envelopes, sometimes even with a theme!! What a pleasure to find them on your little school desk after break. Now? Now all we get is a................phone call. Sometimes, only a message!!!
EVERYONE: (collective groan)
ME: We've really grown up haven't we? I mean, its irreparable isn't it? WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
EVERYONE: Awwwwww. Don't cry, sweetie. We'll give you a treat!!
ME: (sniff) Promise?
EVERYONE: (sing-song) Yes we promise.
ME: Cross your heart and swear to die? Poke a needle in your eye?
EVERYONE: Yes, yes,baby.
ME: Alright, I guess an orgy will just hafta do. Ok, guys, bring out the bottles, lets have a fiesta!!!!!
EVERYONE: YAY!!!!!!
All exeunt singing "Livin' La Vida Loca"!!!!



FIN