Episode III: The Revenge Of The Anc

I am feeling vindictive and mean. Very very mean indeed. Come any closer and I will bite and yes, this means you.

Part 3: Account of a midnight snack

It was the night before Ashtami, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse!!!

(fake snore, fake snore, fake snore.)
(silent peep from under the covers then nudge nudge nudge)
Pssst........ Mona!
Zzzzzz........hnnnnnggg?? What?
Are ur parents asleep now? Its 1 a.m.
(yawn) Wait. I'll go check.
(Slither.......... squeeeeeeek...........tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe..................sssssqqqqquuuuuueeeeekkk.......tiptoetiptoetiptoe..........squeeeeek......)
Ok, they're asleep.
And Mini?
She's asleep in the den.
Ok. Hey guys, wake up. Has Ragini gone to sleep again?! Uff! Then she won't get any of the food!
What? Food? Where?
Aha! There, magic words.
Ok, wait. Mona and I will go and get the food here...
Oh no u don't! We don't trust u! U'll eat up half the stuff just bringing it here!
Uff! Miti! Stop being a kid! U guys go and bring the stuff.
Maji, u know where the booze is right?
Yeah. Come with me, we'll mix a peg.
Yeah, can't take more than that. It'll be too suspicious.
Ok, we'll wait here.
Be careful now. Don't make a noise.
And don't eat any of the food!
(chorus) Yeah, yeah!
SHHHHHH!!! What's the matter with u guys???!!!!
(Squeeeeeek.........manytiptoe, manytiptoe, manytiptoe..........squiiiing........whisper, whisper, whisper...............tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe...........craaack......."quiet Maji!!!"........burble burble burble........" ok that's enough. Now put it back!"................careful tiptoe, careful tiptoe, careful tiptoe............squeeeek........"CAREFUL!!!!"...............)
Ok, mission accomplished!
Join in!
What've u guys got?
Well, there was chicken and the salad left. Gt even wanted the cold aloo-dum!
Good good. Here, pass that!
Stop hogging, man!
No.......I want the leg piece!!!
Shhhh! U want to wake everyone up kya??
Got the booze?
Yup
One glass. We didn't want to steal more.
Yeah, what if someone found out!
Chill, yaar!
Ok, we'll all take a sip.
(Sip)
BLEAGHHH!!!!
YUCK!!
What the hell did you mix, Maji???
Its awful!!!
Oh its the whisky with the orange vodka............
I TOLD you not to mix that!!
Shut up, yaar!
Well, don't have it. You'll make urself sick. Leave it, we'll chuck it.
Hey! No way! Here, give it to me. I'll finish it.
Don't yaar, Ragini. Crazy or what?? It's terrible!
Its booze.
Miti! U're stealing all the sausage pieces!
WHAT!!
Shhhhhh........pleeeeeez!!!
I want some!
Miti, stop being a hog!
The aloo dum's not bad. Even if it is cold!
Yuck! Maji, we're never allowing u to mix drinks ever again!
So who asked you to have it?? Leave it no.
Pass me a piece of chicken yaa.
I want some salad. Ragini, salad?
Yeah, I want summa that too.
Uff! Put down the glass no!
Hawwww! Dipika, ur eating all this mayonnaise???!!! U'll get fat!!!
Yeah I am eating it and shut up, ok!!!!

(Moments of silence. Slurrrrrp........slurrrrp........crunch, crunch.............scrunch........lick,lick....sip "bleagh"...........mmmmmmmmm........scrunch, scrunch..........lurp,lurp.........lick, lick)

Ahhhhh.......
Yeah man, I'm so full!!!
That was awesome!!!
Here, u wanna lick the salad bowl?
Ooooh! Yeah!
Yummy, I want that too!!!
No way!
Please, c'mon Miti.
Ok, Sangy. But onlyif u say I'm a sweetie.
That's dumb!
Say it.
Uff!
SAY IT!
Shhhhhhhh!!!! What's wrong with u???!!!
Ooops! Sorry!
Ok.
What?
Ur a sweetie.
I know (smug smile)
Now give.
See? I finished it.
What?
The booze.
U HAD it???
Ur crazy man.
Hahah!! U'll just can't take alcohol!!
Woteva.
Wow! The whisky feels amazing!!!My throat is getting warm..........Oooooooooo!!!
Uff! Stop it man! U sound like a pukka drunkard.
(snigger snigger)
Finished licking the bowl?
Hey, is that a chicken piece?
No, just a bone Gt chewed. Want it???
Hmph. No thanks!
(giggle giggle)
Ok, we'll have to wash the dishes, man. So somebody come and help.
Mmmm. Ok (grunt) I'll help.
And be VERY quiet!!!!
Yeah yeah!
(Squeeeek.......tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe............clatter....."CAREFUL!!!"............"Sorry!!"............soft bump.......ssssssssssss.............scrub, scrub,scrub.........soft clatter............"Ok. Let's go.Coast is clear".........tiptoe, tiptoe, tiptoe.........squeeeeeeek........"aaaaah!")
[Meanwhile............]
Ummmmmmm! That chicken was amazing no?
Yeah. As always!
I liked the aloo dum.
Of course, Dipika!
What's that supposed to mean, Ragini??
Nothing!
I'm full to bursting man (sigh)!!!
I'm hardly surprised.
You don't say!!
Oh, here. Ur back?
Want some ice-cream?There's still some left.
Mad or what??
Yeah! if I eat any more I'll puke!!!
Ummm. Speaking of puke, after that horrible booze, I don't feel so good........
Humph. Serves u right! Told you not to have it.
Bathroom's there. If u wanna throw up, just do it.
Heehee!! Just kidding!! I never throw up after booze. I can handle my alcohol, thank you!!
Harumph
Stop bragging man!
If u want to, just go to the bathroom ok?
I don't need to, told u na!
K.
I'm gonna sleep.
After all that food?? How can u??
I can.
Ok, good night.
Hmmmmmm. So, what do we do now?
Let's play truth or dare!
Ok!!
(Scramble, scramble, scramble)
Uff, move no to that side a little!
What about a pointer?
Sangy, go get that pencil.
Ok.
Here we go......
(Spin.....)


THE END

Act II Scene II: Thoughts that I have been thinking aka the politics of toddler birthday parties

Enter Me, followed by a train of Everyone I know
ME: Guys, I've been thinking.......
EVERYONE ELSE: A dangerous pastime.......
ME: I know.But still. And do u know what I've found?
EVERYONE: What? Tell us, tell us!!
ME: Everybody's grown up!!!!!
EVERYONE:(collective intake of breath) Nawwwwwww!!!!!
ME: YES!! It's true. Aren't you all quite grown up?
EVERYONE: Ummm. Well.....much as we hate to admit it.......YES!!!
ME:You see?? This is what I mean. Everyone's grown up!!!
EVERYONE: Hmmm. So, what caused this enlightened discovery?
ME: Well, you see, I told you I was thinking and......
EVERYONE: And?
ME: I found out.
EVERYONE: As simple as that was it?
ME: Well, not exactly. I told you I was thinking. At the same time, I was also wondering.
EVERYONE: Why?? What could you possibly have been wondering about??
ME: Well, you see, yesterday was my friend's birthday. My all time best friend's birthday. She's in Bangalore right now, so this is the first time we didn't have a party on the 15th of Jan.
EVERYONE: Awwwww. What a pity!
ME: Yeah ! I know! I could have gotten aloo-paratha and aachar last night! Anyway, this was what got me wondering....
EVERYONE:(shaking heads mournfully and sympathetically) Tch,Tch,Tch. No aloo-paratha and aachar? What a shame! Tch, Tch, Tch.
ME: That we don't have parties like we used to.
EVERYONE: Huh? We've still got the booze!
ME: Uff! Sometimes booze isn't enough. Sometimes booze isn't what you really want.
EVERYONE:(another collective intake of breath) It isn't?
ME: No.
EVERYONE:( tries to draw in another collective intake of breath but finds has run out of breath!!) WHAT???!!!
ME: That's right. Birthday parties have degenerated. Now they're no longer birthday parties, they're excuses to have an adda. Damn!
EVERYONE: Uhhhhh.........isn't that what you really would like on your birthday?
ME: See? That's my point! You've all grown up!
EVERYONE:(thinks: "this Roman is crazy!!!")
ME: I know you probably think I'm crazy, but guys, c'mon! Can't you remember the times when birthday parties were way different from just another adda session. (Of course, at the time I'm talking about, we never even had the conception of what addas really were!!) We would go to birthday parties were we never even knew all the people. We would never get a chance to just sit down and chat, we were always kept occupied with silly games.(Sure, now even I call them silly, but back then, we thought them real cool!) We would keep running around and would often bump against the legs of some grouchy old relative of the birthday girl/boy.(No offence to grouchy old relatives!!!) The kid's parents and other assorted appointed management committee members, in the form of varied aunts and elder cousins, would , in vain try and keep us tots in control, and would invariably fail. There would be a fight and the wounded victim would wail and would have to be pacified with an early bit of cake.
Then there were the games. They were gladiatorial, to say the least!! The best man would never win and only those who had devised special strategies over years of birthday parties or could get in a special bit of cheating would win. The rest of us would grouse about the unfairness of it all, but like the seasoned gamblers we were, would queue up to try our hand at the next game! And then, just before the food was called out, there would be the piece de grace , the khoi-bag!!! Now, as far as I'm concerned, I know the khoi-bag had a conspiracy against me!! I would struggle up, right to the front, beside the birthday kid who would be dangerously wielding a long stick, preparing to burst the bag above, only, once the goodies began to flow, to be pushed to the back of the ferocious mob of tots and left with a handful of thermocol balls, the worst of the toys, and a broken heart!!!
EVERYONE: Awwwwwww!!!
ME: That's right. It was hard being a kid those days. <>But the food would make up for it!! If it was a rich kid's birthday party, there would be an ice-cream man and/or a phuchka-wallah. We would chime in on the " Happy Birthday to you" once the kid had blown out the God-knows-how-many coloured candles populating the cake and always, invariably giggle naughtily on the part:" Many boyfriends to you"!!!!Sad. Very sad. In fact, we still do! A tradition nobly upheld, although most of my friends already have boyfriends(committed ones too!!!)!!! Very, very sad.
EVERYONE: (knowing looks) (snigger snigger) (giggle giggle)
ME: At this time, we would run around, opening the prizes we had got or looking longingly and bitching about the ones we hadn't got!! Cups of Pepsi, Coke, Mirinda, etc. would be spilt. Everyone would go home with atleast two stains on their spotless party clothes, one brown(for the Pepsi) and one any other colour(whatever the cake was). No one would be able to finish what they had taken on their plates, and their would be considerable amounts wasted ( unthinkable in times like now when we have to pay for our own food!!!) It was also at this time our parents would conveniently choose to arrive, to pick us up, and despite many protestations be invited to have a bite of the feast. Schmart!! Learn for future use with your own kids!!!(wink)
Time to leave, and here comes the best part.....................the return gift!!!! Prizes or not, you returned with a bit of booty atleast !!!!And once in the car, we would fall asleep before reaching home, it had been a tiring evening of social excursion!!!
Ah! To think, what hapless barbarians we had been!! Looting and plundering with no bounds!!!
EVERYONE:(nostalgic sigh) Ah! Yes, those were the days of our lives........!!!
ME: And now?? Much to the delight of our parents, we have degenerated from our profiteering days. Gee, I don't even remember when my birthdays became what they are now!! How merciless is time!!!
EVERYONE: Hear, hear!!!
ME: This is why I say we shouldn't have grown up. Don't you agree?
EVERYONE: Methinks there is some truth in her sayings. Indeed t'is true! Are we dogs or are we Romans? We knew how to feast once.............ah yes.........what feasts..............when Caesar was around!!!
ME: Oh shut up! I'm talking about kids not Romans!! We were better feasters as well as looters and plunderers!! We used to get invited to do them!!! And we could conquer all, once, with a cutie smile.
EVERYONE: (another nostalgic sigh)
ME: Those pretty fluorescent envelopes, sometimes even with a theme!! What a pleasure to find them on your little school desk after break. Now? Now all we get is a................phone call. Sometimes, only a message!!!
EVERYONE: (collective groan)
ME: We've really grown up haven't we? I mean, its irreparable isn't it? WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
EVERYONE: Awwwwww. Don't cry, sweetie. We'll give you a treat!!
ME: (sniff) Promise?
EVERYONE: (sing-song) Yes we promise.
ME: Cross your heart and swear to die? Poke a needle in your eye?
EVERYONE: Yes, yes,baby.
ME: Alright, I guess an orgy will just hafta do. Ok, guys, bring out the bottles, lets have a fiesta!!!!!
EVERYONE: YAY!!!!!!
All exeunt singing "Livin' La Vida Loca"!!!!



FIN

Episode II : Clone Of The Original

Aha.

Here we are.

On a Blog.

You and me.

Didi and Gogo.

"What are we doing here?"

Episode I

I'm bored.
Cheesed off rather.Else why would I be doing this?
I don't even know why I started this blog. I suppose in the hopes that the day I have something to say, I'll have a place to say it.
Of course, assuming it looks good in pencil-on-paper first!!
You see how cheesed off I am?? I'm even making lame jokes on my blog...........and knowing it too!!

Ok, question arises: Why are you reading this again???
Ans: Good question!!! Why are u??!!!
I have nothing to say. Seriously. But I am a good writer. I think.
I hope one of u guys out there will be able to motivate me.
Or maybe its just timing.

I'm really bored.
But I hope i won't be next time. I'm off. Yawwwwwwwn.
Seriously, u can expect some good stuff from this space. As soon as I can think of some.
Till then toodooloo.

Oh, and keep supporting cheesecake !!!